


Why did it Have to be Cave Spiders

by EavingMal



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Cave Spiders, Gen, Illogical loot, Video Game Logic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-12 10:22:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7098829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EavingMal/pseuds/EavingMal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawke finds a new way to gather loot from the monsters they face every day. The rest of the party is unimpressed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why did it Have to be Cave Spiders

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoy! I got a bit confused at video game logic while playing Dragon Age, and this is the result.

The last cave spider went down quickly, with the whistle and crunch of one of Bianca’s bolts. It squealed and writhed, and curled its legs up, and the battle was over.  
“Cave spiders,” Varric said, nudging a hairy leg aside with a disdainful boot. “Hate them.”  
“They aren’t the most pleasant of creatures,” Aveline agreed, sheathing her sword. “Hawke, we should move on.”  
“It’s not just that,” Varric said. “It’s just that … well, humans carry purses, and rings, and sometimes weapons worth more than a drunkard’s morning piss. These things, though?”  
“Yes, I suppose that is a pity,” Aveline said. “But we should keep moving.”  
Hawke didn’t respond, looking thoughtfully at the corpse of the spider, all curled up on the cave floor.  
“Hawke?” Aveline said cautiously.  
“I know that look,” Varric said. “I don’t like that look. Hawke, what are you planning?”  
Hawke pointed around the room, to where there were a few bodies – human or elf – tangled up in silk webs. “These things eat people, right?”  
“Hawke,” warned Varric, “I don’t know what you’re thinking, but …”  
He was interrupted by the crack and crunch of Hawke’s knife through chitinous body. A sudden rank stench filled the cave, and before Varric could protest again, Hawke was elbows-deep in the spider.  
“Hawke,” Fenris said, “Do you know nothing about how spiders feed? They liquefy and drink their victims. You’d be better off looking in those tied up people over there.”  
“Hey, a ring!” Hawke said. “Looks pretty powerful, too. Fenris – catch!”  
The ring clinked on the stone floor. Fenris looked at it, then back at Hawke.  
“I would rather not.”  
“Fine, you baby. I’ll carry it till we can get to Kirkwall, and I’ll wash it for you. Happy?”  
Aveline and Varric stared at the spider’s spatchcocked corpse, then at Hawke as she moved to the next spider and cracked its abdomen open. Her three companions winced. Varric made a small gagging noise.  
“That’s not biologically possible,” Fenris said, a little distantly, as Hawke suddenly became elbows-deep in the spider corpse.  
“I think biology is begging to differ,” Varric said. “Maker knows why, but here we are.”  
“Hawke, must we really stay and …” Aveline began, but Hawke interrupted her.  
“Hah! Health potion!”  
“Hey, Broody,” Varric said. “If our next battle sees me with something sharp where it shouldn’t be, you’ll put that blade through my skull before Hawke makes me drink that, right?”  
“Don’t be so dramatic,” Aveline said. “Fenris is the most likely to need to use it, after all.”  
There was another crack, and Fenris winced. “I would settle for never hearing that sound again in my life.”  
Hawke turned to them, beaming. “And I got new boots! Come on, let’s get to the end of this cave!”  
“Good,” Varric said. “That way, you can never, ever do that again.”


End file.
